Top Girl
by crazymusicalgenius96
Summary: A battle between Perry and Doofenshmirtz...involving that addicting app, Top Girl! Oneshot.


Perry the Platypus sat in the backyard, sprawled out in the sun, when his watch began to beep. Sleepily, he took out his fedora and assumed his other identity, Agent P, as he peeled the back doormat away from the ground and jumped down into the hole hidden underneath.

Agent P landed right in his red chair, notepad out. He was poised and ready for business.

Major Monogram appeared on the screen. "Good morning, Agent P. Our sources are telling us that Doofenshmirtz has bought a huge memory wipe device for multiple computers from a pretty sketchy seller in the Ukraine."

Carl noisily interrupted him. "Sir, does it smell funny in here to you? I lost my sock in the kitchen...and you know I can't smell 'cause I've got no nostrils."

Monogram sighed. "I don't even want to know the context of that statement, Carl." He turned back to Agent P. "We don't know what he intends to erase, but it could be something relatively dangerous. Go do your stuff, Agent P!"

Perry grabbed his jetpack and burst into the sky, headed to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated at top speed.

He made his usual entrance on the balcony, wandering inside cautiously so as to not miss any traps. Unfortunately, he stepped on a hidden notch in the floor and a huge women's boot box immediately covered him. A heavy-sounding thud above him indicated that something large had been placed on top of the box.

At least Doofenshmirtz was kind enough to make air holes.

Speaking of the devil, Doofenshmirtz walked around the box and stood in front of Perry to begin his tirade.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus, I bet you're wondering why I've trapped you in a women's boot box. It's Vanessa's...it's the box her combat boots came in...I ran out of trap materials yesterday, okay? I did put a big heavy rock on top, so...anyway. I bought this silly app on my phone called Top Girl a few days ago. It's tragically stupid..." His phone suddenly vibrated. "No, Aaron the Top Girl boyfriend, I do not want to talk to you right now. I just did 30 minutes ago." He turned back to Perry. "It's really annoying, actually. But I can't get rid of it! Aaron the Top Girl boyfriend says such cute things! And I get to be a model! See, look! I made my Top Girl look like that evil lady I went out on that date with once!"

He showed Perry his phone, showing a picture of an animated brunette girl in mismatching clothes next to an animated man in a tuxedo who was vaguely reminiscent of Agent Double 00.

"Top Girl is infringing on my evil. I didn't go buy trap materials because I was too busy giving Aaron the Top Girl boyfriend gifts last night. So this morning I was brainstorming...what if I destroyed Top Girl? Then it couldn't distract me anymore! I built the 'Top-Girl-Delete-Forever-Inator' to do just that!"

With a dramatic flourish, Doofenshmirtz pulled a tarp off of his latest creation, which looked a lot like most of his other creations.

"The developers aren't even profiting from it anyway; it's a free app, for crying out loud. And hey, it's still kind of evil, since even though the game is annoying, there's probably still some twelve-year-old girls out there who are totally in love with it."

Perry rolled his eyes at the inventor dressed in pharmacist apparel as he almost pushed the button to fire the -inator, but then quickly returned to his cell phone.

"What now? Ooh, my energy is refilled! I can go work as a model now!"

He plopped down right where he was, and Perry took the opportunity to get out of the boot box and push the -inator off the balcony.

"Aaron! No!" cried Doofenshmirtz, who suddenly looked up at where his -inator had formerly been. "Perry the Platypus, did you push my -inator off the balcony while Aaron was distracting me? That was a low blow."

The platypus ignored him as he strapped his jetpack back on and exited with a flourish.

Instead of the usual cursing behind him, Perry heard him faintly say, "CURSE YOU, AARON THE TOP GIRL BOYFRIEND!"

What a Doof.


End file.
